The Plight of Armin Meiwes

Dear Diary,
I got five responses today! Three pictures sent; the other two just letters. Don’t these people read the ads carefully?! When I wrote, “Looking for 18-25 year old man who want to be slaughtered. NO FATTIES,” didn’t they read the last line, the part about fatties!? Why would anyone want to eat them?
Armin

Dear Diary,
I’ve finally found a nice computer technician whose head would fit just perfectly in my crock pot. I’ve been watching Martha all week to try to get ideas, but I’m just not sure how to prepare my new friend Bernd. I wish I cooked at home more instead of going out all the time. I’m really looking forward to homemade meals but I’m not sure I’m ready for anything beyond sandwiches.
Frustrated,
Armin

Dear Diary,
Things went well with Bernd the other day. We had a nice chat and fried ate a little bit of him before he had to go. The diet’s going great — I’ve lost ten pounds so far and it’s only been a week! I wasn’t sure whether white or red would go best with Bernd, but I’ve found a fragrant Shiraz that complements him perfectly. Off to the market to get some more barbecue sauce!
Armin

N.B. For a complete list of tasty recipes, consult J.A.’s Cookbook For A Healthy Body.

• a: there's something wrong here
• b: things start to get interesting when they go wrong
• a: but there's nothing new
• b: you could see it like that

Cooking time 1 to 2 hours




Ingredients
1½kg/3lb 5oz stewing beef, cut into cubes
175g/6oz streaky bacon
3 tbsp olive oil
12 baby onions, peeled
18 button mushrooms, left whole
3 carrots, cut into quarters or 12 baby carrots, scrubbed and left whole
salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tbsp chopped thyme
2 tbsp chopped parsley
10 cloves of garlic, crushed and grated
425ml/15fl oz red wine
425ml/15fl oz chicken or beef stock
For the roux
50g/2oz butter
50g/1¾oz flour

Method
1. Brown the beef and bacon in the olive oil in a hot casserole or heavy saucepan.
2. Remove the meat and toss in the onions, mushrooms and carrots, one ingredient at a time, seasoning each time.
3. Place these back in the casserole, along with the herbs and garlic.
4. Cover with red wine and stock and simmer for one hour or until the meat and vegetables are cooked.
5. To make the roux, in a separate pan melt the butter, add the flour and cook for 2 minutes.
6. When the stew is cooked, remove the meat and vegetables.
7. Bring the remaining liquid to the boil and add 1 tbsp of roux.
8. Whisk the mixture until the roux is broken up and the juices have thickened, allowing to boil.
9. Replace the meat and vegetables, and taste for seasoning.
10. Sprinkle with chopped parsley and serve with Pea and spring onion champ.